ZOMG Cellphones Cause Cancer!

Well, actually no.

But the World Health Organization isn’t letting that stop them from adding cell phones to a list of things that don’t cause cancer but we’re going to scare you about it anyway.

Over the past eight days, a working group of 31 scientists from 14 countries reviewed the Interphone data and other studies, including a Swedish report that also found evidence of increased brain tumour risk among mobile users.

They concluded that there was “limited” evidence that wireless phones are linked to brain cancer – meaning that it could be down to chance rather than causation – and “inadequate” proof that mobiles cause other types of cancer.

So, nothing. Zip. Nada. No evidence at all that cell phones cause cancer.

Dr Jonathan Samet, chairman of the group, admitted the evidence is “still accumulating” but insisted: “The conclusion means that there could be some risk, and therefore we need to keep a close watch for a link between cell phones and cancer risk”.

In other words, “We’re still looking for evidence that will support the conclusion we already have.”

Here’s the problem: EVERYTHING emits electromagnetic radiation. (unless it’s cooled to absolute zero) Some things emit FAR more than a cell phone.

The Sun: One kilowatt per square meter at sea level.

Adult Human: 50-100 watts

Cell Phone: 2 watts

Humans actually emit about a kilowatt but absorb around 900 watts from the surrounding environment. That 50 – 100 watts emitted is actually net energy loss. We absorb 450 times the energy emitted by cell phones 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

So a paltry two watts from a cell phone? Doesn’t matter at all.

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11 Responses to ZOMG Cellphones Cause Cancer!

  1. In what time frame do your quoted measurements occur?

  2. alan says:

    ” Using the formulas below then shows a human being, roughly 2 square meter in area, and about 307 kelvins in temperature, continuously radiates about 1000 watts. However, if people are indoors, surrounded by surfaces at 296 K, they receive back about 900 watts from the wall, ceiling, and other surroundings, so the net loss is only about 100 watts.”

  3. falnfenix says:


  4. Ed Skinner says:

    Some people emit even more — I had this date in high school …

  5. Bubblehead Les says:

    Of course, the WHO will need a several Billion Dollar Grant from the U.S., spend several years studying the issue, then they’ll shake down the Phone Manufacturers to fund a Health Care System for all 5 people who might get a Head Ache from yammering on the Phone all day, and all the Dumb Ass High School Kids will then be safe.

    But this may also explain why the Anointed One does what he does. We still don’t know who’s on the other end of his Crackberry, do we?

  6. TJP says:

    How about the new Apple cPhone, which uses a 30 dB gain directional antenna pointed right at the user’s eyes? Hmm? It comes with an app that records the exact geographical location of your tumor and sends the data to the WHO.

  7. mike w. says:

    The sky is falling! The sky is falling.

    Gives new meaning to calling a woman “radiant” no?

  8. Not to mention radiation FROM SPACE. That’s right, we not only get visible and ultraviolet light, but ALL radiation with wavelengths equal to or longer than those kinds of radiation – radio waves, infrared, microwaves. From space. Constantly. This is evident in how we can have ground-based microwave and radio telescopes.

    The fucking sad thing is, the average person doesn’t know shit about this, so they’re going to go through with this and act on their “science”.

  9. minimedic says:

    Don’t even get me started on those idiots at the WHO…

  10. Old NFO says:

    Here we go again… I think Bubblehead got it, they HAVE a conclusion, but want $$ to firm up that conclusion… sigh

  11. Borepatch says:

    It’s like your post about the Federal Judge prohibiting kids from praying at Graduation. Never mind that First Amendment stuff, they already Know The Answer.

    And while some of us actually learned about stuff like the Null Hypothesis and statistical confidence intervals, these “scientists” already Know The Answer.

    It’s almost enough for me to support creationism (using these same arguments, of course), just to watch the reaction from the Usual Suspects. Almost.

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