If your wardrobe consists entirely of 5.11 then you might be a mall ninja.
If you ever stood downrange while people were firing, you might be a mall ninja.
If you own a drop leg holster, you might be a mall ninja.
If you ever described yourself as HSLD, then might be a mall ninja.
If you shoot any kind of airsoft anywhere but the privacy of your back yard, you might be a mall ninja.
If you’re more interested in how tacticool a gun looks than how it shoots, you might be a mall ninja.
If you have ever attended a tactical carbine class, you might be a mall ninja.
If your “gear” is a fashion statement, you might be a mall ninja.
If you want to be a cop so bad that you impersonate one, you might be a mall ninja.
If you’ve memorized all the acronyms on the survivalblog, you might be a mall ninja.
If you spend time on the Internet arguing about the best tactical flashlight, you might be a mall ninja.
If you own anything made by H&K, you’re a mall ninja, no maybe about it.
If you own a concealed carry badge, then you might be a mall ninja.
If all the blades on your knives are matte black, you might be a mall ninja
If you list the guns you own next to your signature, you might be a mall ninja.
If your M4gery has more rails than a train track, you might be a mall ninja.
Feel free to add your own…
Now there is an idea… do they make Picatinny-gauge model trains? 😉
If you’ve ever worried that someone might disarm you by pulling the slide of off your pistol you might be a mall ninja. If you’ve ever planed to do so or claimed you could, you ARE a mall ninja.
“No” to every single one. Oh well.
I have a score of “1”. I once took a Defensive Rifle class.
I guess don’t qualify as a Mall Ninja.
So you are saying Tam is a Mall Ninja because She took a Tactical Carbine Class?
Alan- VERY good one, I’ve linked it in the post I just put up on Tac training… 🙂
If Alan thinks you’re a mall ninja, you might be a mall ninja. 😉
You might be a mall ninja if you wear tactical underwear. 🙂
Heh.
“If you list the guns you own next to your signature, you might be a mall ninja”
My signature would stretch on for *pages* if I tried that…
How about “if you have to tilt your carbine 45º to use the secondary sights you might be a mall ninja”?
…If you say ‘big boy rules’ with a straight face, you might be…
Oh no you di’n’t! 😮
“If you own anything made by H&K, you’re a mall ninja, no maybe about it.”
Snerk! Tea came out my nose!
If you get emotional when someone admits to owning a 9mm, …
Just one question: does my thigh holster worn concealed under the kilt count as a “drop leg holster”?
If you spend all your spare time at the gun store arguing how ‘caliber’ and/or a specific firearm was the cause of agency failures at the 1986 Miami shootout or North Hollywood bank robbery, you’re probably a mall ninja. You are definitely the mall ninja when you do this to random other customers after the store staff gives you wide berth.
If you endlessly argue how you would have done it, you are a mall ninja.
If you refer to distance in ‘clicks’ and include ‘force continuum’, ‘condition 3’ and/or explain how you’re always at least in ‘yellow’ in routine conversation with non-tacticool friends, you are a mall ninja.
If you know the Marshall & Sanow “Predicted One Shot Stop Percentage” of your favorite carry round, you might be a mall ninja.
For that matter, having a “favorite carry round” is squintworthy… 😉
dammit .. I guess i am , I have one of them german single stack staple guns .
Forgot: if the timing of your visit to the gun store coincides with the release of any new movie that features a particular hip new or rare firearm – so you can trade in the arm you bought after the release of the last hip movie with guns – you are probably a mall ninja.
Well, I own a dropleg holster that I use to carry the M9 my Uncle sometimes lets me borrow, and I’ve stood downrange while 25mm was fired over my head…but that’s all professional.
I do own a USP, a relic of my younger days. It’s for sale if you want to buy it.
Well if just taking a carbine class or owning anything H&K can qualify you as a mall ninja, then I’ve got one:
Carrying a Maxpedition Versipack. While there’s a lot of normal people who carry these, It’s rare to see a mall ninja who doesn’t have one (or the knock-off equivilant) on him at all times, stuffed to the gills with tactical water bottles, six different flashlights, mini pry-bars wrapped in paracord for “urban survival”, an Ipod in a pelican case and if he’s carrying, about 17 mags, scuse me ‘quick acess tactical reloads’.
If you see somebody with one of these and aren’t sure if they’re a mall ninja or not, make a good natured ‘man purse’ joke. If they laugh wth you, they’re probably cool. But a mall ninja will get super offended and call you a dumb unprepared sheeple or something.
Oh and also…most mall ninjas don’t have a clue where all this great stuff they like evolved from. So, the guy that’s always name dropping instructors he reads about in magazines, yet has never heard names like Rex Applegate or William Harsey Jr…..Mall ninja. Or the one who thinks that the Strider brand is the coolest thing ever but hasn’t ever heard of brands like Randall or Ek…mall ninja.
If you own a bullpup rifle, you might be a Mall Ninja.
“If you own anything made by H&K, you’re a mall ninja, no maybe about it.”
Seriously? Hate much? Most people I know that own H&Ks are far from being mall ninjas, my ex-wife being on of those. Hell, it’s the duty gun of the local police.
Now anyone that insists that you call it HK, and anyone with H&K clothing, definitely falls into mall ninja territory.
Drop leg holsters have a purpose if you hunt with long barrel pistols or wear load-bearing kit. So apparently SEALs are mall ninjas.
How about, “if you are a civilian that doesn’t hunt with pistols ever and aren’t military or police where it’s required kit, a drop leg holster might make you a mall ninja.” ?
I’ll add this one for some of the people here that DO.
“IF you run a web page on the internet purporting to be an authority on firearms, there’s a chance you might be a mall ninja.”
BTW, there’s a couple bullpups that are historically interesting to own and they are handy riding around in a truck culling things. Armpit magazine changes SUCK, but they are handier if you want to maintain barrel length. Apparently the Royal Marines and French Foreign Legion are mall ninjas too.
If you didn’t understand that this post was a joke and felt the need to correct the “errors” you may be a mall ninja.
If you think Gecko45 was/is a genius, you ARE a mall ninja.
If you’ve thought about the best way to tuck and roll with a loaded carbine in your hands, you might be a mall ninja.
If you buy firearms based on how you’ve used their virtual counterparts in video games, you might be a mall ninja.
If you wear a keffiyeh and matching flat dark earth 5.11 gear to a public range, you’re a mall ninja, no doubt about it.
“If you think Gecko45 was/is a genius…”
He was. At trolling. 😉
All my work pants ARE 5.11, but I’ve been wearing them since the tags read ‘Royal Robbins’.
“and call you a dumb unprepared sheeple or something.” No, We of the Galleria Clan call you: Zombie Chow!
I had to look up HSLD on urban dictionary.
I think there might a variant on Godwin’s Law, call it ASM’s rule. that says any comment thread on mall ninjas is incomplete without a reference to Gecko45 (and thanks to ExurbanKevin for making the comment here).
Uh, Tam, maybe that should be “if your thong is made from 550 cord, you are a Mall Ninja”…